did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
