TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think people are normalizing furries
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
