did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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