On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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