I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
