with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
