She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
