I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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