Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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