she was so not down for the gang bang
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
