You made me cry and you don't even care
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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