I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
