Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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