wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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