Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
