i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
