She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
