member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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