A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
