Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
