his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
