Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
