I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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