Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
