Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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