ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
