cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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