I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
