somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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