hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
