so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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