some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
two words: eviction party
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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