Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
