I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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