this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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