Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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