Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
