It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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