when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
