I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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