I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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