it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
