Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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