Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
