I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
