you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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