your thong is hanging out like whoa
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
