I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
