GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize