I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
