Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
