We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish you could order shots online.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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