It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
