ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
