Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
