The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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