Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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