Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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