you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
