He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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