I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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