Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i've created a new STD.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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