I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
